When I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2010, I was the leader of a group of soldiers. during that deployment, a suicide bomber blew himself up in the middle of my formation killing and injuring everyone. Since I was the leader, I felt responsible for everything that happened. This was an intense amount of guilt that I carried. Eventually this guilt turned into depression and then into anger. By the time that we came back from the deployment, I was not mentally healthy and snapping on people very easily. I finally saw how bad I was when I picked up a printer and threw it at another soldier's head, just missing it. Simply for asking what I thought was a "stupid question". That is when I realized that I had a problem and went to get help. But I have to say, for 10 years after that, I was not ready to heal and that just made my anger and depression worse until I was ready to heal. Then I was finally able to live a somewhat happy life, once I forgave myself.